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It's a dark and stormy night, and you aren't sure which fork to use at Lord Eldritch's candlelit dinner for 13—who you gonna call? The elegant gothic lady with impeccable manners, of course! Well, Jillian Venters, aka the Lady of the Manners and proprietress of the Gothic Charm School, may not get many questions about silverware, but we're positive she'd know what to do in that situation.

Long before we first reviewed her site in 2003, she'd been dispensing acclaimed etiquette advice to velvet-clad denizens of the night. Recently, we left our calling card at her door and were soon welcomed into Jilli's virtual parlor to chat about politeness, romance, cupcakes, and the Crow.

Why did you start writing an etiquette column for goths?

It all started when I went to dinner with a friend who was starting up a goth webzine. He asked me to write some sort of monthly column for the site, and I said "Oooh, like a gothic finishing school! I could lecture people about bad eyeliner and getting upset about people staring at you when you look like you've escaped from a Tim Burton movie!" Read the full profile...

1. Singing, humming, and whistling are generally discouraged.
2. If you're only going up or down one floor, use the stairs.
3. Always stand facing the door.
4. If you're in a crowded elevator and have to leave, announce that it's your floor and excuse yourself.

Answers: 1. Once the Doors Close (duh!); 2. Calling and Waiting; 3. Boarding; 4. Exiting

We admit that number 3 is kind of tricky and easily falls in the Once the Doors Close category. We also admit that we occasionally break the "no re-pressing the floor button" rule.