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by Trystan L. Bass
Thu, September 13, 2007, 3:00 am PDT

Just the facts, ma'am. That's what this page lists. Except, as Wikipedians are quick to point out, Sergeant Friday never uttered this beloved quote on the old radio and TV show "Dragnet." The detective actually said "All we want are the facts, ma'am." Likewise, Scotty beamed plenty of people up to the Enterprise on the original "Star Trek" series, but not a soul actually blurted "Beam me up, Scotty." The requests ran more to the likes of "beam me aboard" or "beam us up home." It's not just TV and movie lines that we mangle, either. Social theorist Karl Marx never said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" and no matter how much Winston Churchill might have wanted to, he never declared that "The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy, and the lash." Finally, the next time someone asks you for ID and you want to be clever, don't reply with "We don't need no steenking badges!" because, of course, the real quote from "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" is much longer. It's faster to show your card and just pass through.

Filed under: Movies, Quotes, History, Television

by Erik Gunther
Fri, September 07, 2007, 8:00 am PDT

Ray Glasser is obsessed. A collector and documentarian of the highest order, Mr. Glasser bought his first Betamax recorder in 1976. This early adopter of video recording then began taping television broadcasts with a feverish intensity that only other obsessives can comprehend.

We stumbled upon Ray's YouTube channel while browsing through old '80s commercials on the video sharing site (on our lunch break—of course). We watched his brief introductory video and immediately knew we had to speak with him about his collection and his decision to digitize his material for the masses.

When we caught up with Ray, he offered his thoughts on collecting, taping off the tube, and uploading his gems for all to enjoy...

Hey Ray, where does your collection stand these days?

It's hard to say. I haven't labeled and/or numbered tapes in about 6 or 8 months...probably close to 2,600 Beta tapes. I'm now collecting and saving movies on DVD.

And this started in 1976 when you bought that first Betamax?

Yes... in June. It was tailor-made for night workers like myself. I could timer-tape shows while I was at work and play them back anytime I wanted!

When did you first run across YouTube?

I think sometime around the beginning of this year—2007.

Has the response to your videos been gratifying?

More than gratifying. I'm lovin' every minute of YouTube! Read the full profile...

by Molly McCall
Wed, August 08, 2007, 3:00 am PDT

This is how it ends: Sitcom writer David Penn is trapped in a closet, tied to a chair, with "the sounds of a fake laugh track in his ears." He's got a black eye, he's wearing a T-shirt that says "I HATE MY GIRLFRIEND," and a man is pointing a gun at his head. Thus begins "Break a Leg," a funny web spoof of television and its adherents "brought to you by the acclaimed viewers of Arrested Development, Scrubs and The Office." Michael Scott would be so proud. How David gets into the storage room and why the wild-eyed man wants him dead remains to be seen. Tune in now as the talented group of filmmakers behind (and in front of) the camera finishes out the season—and winds their way back to David's final moments with the revolver, the rope, and the piped-in guffaws.

 

Filed under: Videos, Television, Humor, Parody

by Vera H-C Chan
Mon, July 16, 2007, 8:00 am PDT

Journalist, critic, blogger, podcaster, and Mr. CrankyPants. For a guy whose sole job is watching the boob tube, Tim Goodman sure has a lot of alter egos. The San Francisco Chronicle critic started his print career hating TV, and now he can't write or say enough about what he calls The Bastard Machine. The hardest-working man on the Web takes a break from his three TiVos, two kids, and a deadline to muse about the small screen… and the small screen.

So what do your parents think about you calling your blog "The Bastard Machine"?

(Laughs) Well, luckily or unluckily, they're both dead right now. They would've rolled with it, no problem.

What's the origin myth behind title, and how'd you get it by your paper?

A long time ago, I wanted to write a play and one of my characters was using that [term] to describe the television. And that was before I even started writing about television. How I got it by the Chronicle before the blog, I was already calling the television set the bastard machine, I was surprised when it got in the first time. And when it got in, I thought great, there was no going back.

You podcast, you blog, you still do a print column. You're a one-man convergence. Is this journalism five years from now?

I think in five years, all of us will be doing whatever's possible to stay employed, and whether that involves a paycheck or not… I totally resisted blogging for the longest time because I wanted to be paid for it, and I rightly assumed at the time it would be a second full-time job, and it is a second full-time job… Then I tried a reverse tactic: Maybe I'll blog and I make it a positive blog, and I could go back and ask for a raise. Which was a failure financially. Read the full profile...

by Molly McCall
Fri, June 01, 2007, 3:00 am PDT

In the mid-1990's, the Cartoon Network ran remastered versions of "The Flintstones" that left the series' legendary laugh track on the cutting room floor. According to TV Party, the resulting sounds of silence after Fred's and Barney's quips caused the one-liners to "largely fall flat with a thud." Ouch! The shrill trills of classic television laugh tracks may make you roll your eyes and cover your ears, but where would we be without them? Without the gigglers responding to Larry's gaffes on "Bewitched" or the howlers letting it whoop during "Mr. Ed," the vintage boob tube fare just doesn't go down as smooth. This audio-rich, scene-supplemented essay enlightens us on the origins of the laugh track (radio), the emergence of the applause track (sometime in the mid-1960s), and the appearance in the '70s of the "looser" guffaws used on shows like "All in the Family." Read up, settle back in the recliner, and let the auto-chortles and hoots carry you away.

Filed under: Television, Media, Classic TV


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